it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
