it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
