Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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