I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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