Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
