Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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