does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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