i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
