I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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