her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
