Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
