Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
