He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Even my vagina gasped.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
