btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i out mim tonsoeep
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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