Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
God, I missed his penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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