I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
