fuck your aforementioned shoe
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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