I like my sex mixed with concussions.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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