And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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