we have pet lesbian snakes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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