he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
