youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
