Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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