Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
