Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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