Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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