Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
