last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize