Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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