We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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