I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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