I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
