No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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