This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
