So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
