The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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