She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
