Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
