There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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