I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
