youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize