your thong is hanging out like whoa
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
