I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
