i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
