If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
