I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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