I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
