he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
