smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
