Porn is love you can see.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
