burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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