I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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