BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
