My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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