What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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