I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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