I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
