Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
