Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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