I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
