just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
