i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
