i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
