My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
