I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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