it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i've created a new STD.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
