Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
