She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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