I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize