it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
