dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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