Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
