my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this just has baby written all over it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
