My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize