new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
