it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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