She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
