some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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