Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
