Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Quick, to the slutcave!
i love accidental penises.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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