I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
