sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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