I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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